


Where were you?

by InterPlanetaryGirl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Iwa is a little ooc, M/M, Oikawa doesn't cope well, Post-Canon, fluff at the end, i have to say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 09:32:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6233455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterPlanetaryGirl/pseuds/InterPlanetaryGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>More. That is the only thing that Oikawa can think and do from now on. Push himself more, study more, practise volleyball more, hide himself more. He doesn't know what else he could do.</p>
<p>***<br/>Oikawa has a routine. Nobody is saying that it's a healthy routine. In fact, nobody's saying anything at all. He has a routine and that only gets worse after Iwa stops talking to him, for some reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where were you?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I'm writing at almost 3am because I shouldn't be and I'm going to go sleep now, please enjoy.

For Oikawa, university was very stressful and while he had a lot of friends, he barely had a social life because of keeping up with his studies - being the best at them - as well as being the best at volleyball practise, he had a reputation to uphold. He knew it was grossly irresponsible of him to act the way he does, practising until ten at night, doing his homework until it was either finished or almost finished, and then waking up at five in the morning to go for a jog and then practice before classes for the best part of the morning, taking a brief lunch before studying for his afternoon classes, going to them, and then having practise.

He barely had time to answer the texts his friends sent to him, but always took ten minutes out of his day to call Iwaizumi as he was finishing his own evening practice. It was always at ten when he would call, without a doubt, and he would always receive the same warning to not overwork himself and to make sure he is taking care of himself before Iwaizumi hung up to go do some last minute homework, or shower and go to sleep. Oikawa always promised that he wasn't and that practice ended hours ago and he didn't even have that much homework. He never...lied...exactly. Technically, practice had ended hours ago, and he didn't have that much homework, if he didn't want to make it as perfect as it could be, and receive the best marks he could.   
  
He was in a routine now, whether that routine was especially healthy was out of the question, it didn't matter, because that was routine and that was what he had stuck to.

Since arriving at university, he had been to one party, and it was on his first weekend. In reality he never wanted to go, and felt obligated to more than anything because his roommate was incredibly sweet and accommodating to him and Oikawa wasn't too sure how else to show his gratitude for that first week. When Oikawa had gotten there the music had been okay, to his own tastes, nothing too exceptional, and the beer seemed cheap and disgusting, so he didn't drink any. The people around him were drunk already and it just wasn't his place, but he stayed until an acceptable time before leaving and then called Iwaizumi to complain about it, seeing as his roommate was still out.

Since then he had developed routine and not broken it, despite how many parties he may be invited to, how many girls and guys wanted him, and how much work he was getting. He hasn't been home yet, either, but he doesn't mind so much, and keeps prolonging the visit back home by saying how much work he has and how much volleyball practice he is doing. Granted, he keeps giving himself these to himself, by taking too many classes, and then practising to his heart's content and further.

He knows how bad he looks most of the time now, although he still uses all the products in his hair, and wears enough make-up to cover the circles under his eyes and keep him looking in pristine condition on top of his still already-flawless skin, but he's losing weight fast. Often he doesn't bother to eat, or doesn't have the time for it, or is too busy doing whatever that he just chugs down a can filled with caffeine and moves on, if he's feeling restless enough then he might make a cup of ramen for himself, but that's late at night if he didn't pick up something greasy on his way back.

Logically, he knows that he should probably tell somebody about his awful habits and routine, but he can't face up to the reality of telling anybody and them finding out, and it isn't as though he's wasting away - he still has muscle.

Lately, though, things have been becoming more stressful for him and he feels the effect of lack of sleep and food beginning to take a toll on his body, so makes a note to eat whenever he can, but never spares a second thought on his sleep pattern. It doesn't help how Iwaizumi has been replying less and less to his texts recently, and hasn't picked up a call in two weeks. Honestly it worries him, because he thought even though Iwaizumi has a life, and friends, and things to do outside of school and volleyball, he thought he would still stay in contact with him. And that hasn't been happening and it's taking even more of a toll on his already-broken mental state.

Even when Oikawa sends texts with a teasing or mocking tone, implying that Iwaizumi is hiding things from him, and has he got a girlfriend Oikawa doesn't know about ("The scandal Iwa-chan!!") he doesn't get a reply. This week they haven't held a conversation that lasted more than five texts - Oikawa saying hi, Iwaizumi replying the same, Oikawa asking how his studies are going and Iwaizumi telling him he can't talk right now because he has too much to do and he'll speak to him later, and then Oikawa saying goodbye in return. Oikawa's messages look the same as they always have though, holding the pretence that everything is fine and normal and the same as when Iwaizumi last saw him.

Oikawa texts him again, on Sunday, after he has woken and has no chance of sleeping despite it being his only "day off" from volleyball practise, but Iwaizumi doesn't reply and Oikawa figures he's only sleeping and he must have had a long night - _Maybe Iwa-chan does have a girlfriend_ Oikawa thought briefly, before getting up and going to the gym to get his day's worth of physical exercise done before stopping by a fast-food restaurant and ordering five burgers and three large fries with a drink to go and pigging out once he gets home.  
  
He's never felt more satisfied once he's finished as far as he can remember, but knows he would be more satisfied had Iwaizumi replied to his texts, yet by four in the afternoon and starting on his homework, Oikawa figured Iwaizumi wasn't going to reply to a text which was sent at seven thirty in the morning. A time which, to Oikawa, is late.   
  
Once he's finished with all of his homework he doesn't know what to do and so sits watching re-runs of an alien conspiracy show on his laptop, his roommate out for the day like always, _probably at his girlfriend's or something_ Oikawa thinks, not really caring because he's alone and his roommate isn't usually in anyway.

After two weeks, Iwaizumi still hasn't replied and Oikawa hasn't tried to text him again, especially since the Seen at 17:44 had appeared on the screen the same day he sent it. He gets it, Iwaizumi doesn't want to speak to him any more, Iwaizumi has better things to be doing, Iwaizumi doesn't want to stay in contact or see him or be anything to him. And Oikawa understands, he thinks.   
  
Until he doesn't.

When a month of them not speaking is coming up, Oikawa loses it one night, he has too many essays, too much volleyball practice, too little sleep and not enough food in his system other than to wish he and Iwaizumi were at the same University. He would give up anything, any chance, any future in volleyball, if he just had Iwaizumi was with him right now. So he calls him, despite them not talking in a month, almost, and it being almost two in the morning.

The time being a fact that Iwaizumi points out when he picks up the phone and growls "What do you want Oikawa?" into it, sounding pissed off, angry beyond belief, and it causes Oikawa's current sob to rack through his body.

"Oh..Nothing, I guess, Iwa-chan, go back to sleep." Oikawa tries to tell him, tries to cover the sniffles that he makes, lucky that his roommate is such a heavy sleeper, barely waking up in the middle of a thunderous storm, so Oikawa's sniffles being nothing to him.

"No, no Oikawa you woke me up for _something_ clearly," Iwaizumi's tone is harsh, sarcastic, raw to the anger he feels, and Oikawa flinches, "So tell me what it is." Oikawa draws in a ragged breath and a sob slowly leaves his throat.

"Nothing. Like I said. Go back to sleep. Sleep well." Oikawa tried to use a firm voice, and hung up himself anyway. He knows it wasn't right for him to call Iwaizumi like that- like it was still high school and they still lived right next door, when they didn't have so much work, and so much stress, and so much of other lives piling up because they were each other's lives. It wasn't fair for Iwaizumi, and he knows it wasn't right for himself.

It isn't right for him to expect Iwaizumi to come to him at the drop of a hat, he didn't even do that in high school every time. It isn't fair for him to think that, just because Oikawa loves him, he loves Oikawa back. In the same way at least.

From that night, crying himself to sleep became part of the routine as well, most nights at least.

_More_. That is the only thing that Oikawa can think and do from now on. Push himself _more_ , study _more_ , practise volleyball _more_ , hide himself _more_. He doesn't know what else he could do, Matsukawa and Hanamaki were still texting him the entire time when they could, but now he stopped replying to them so much as he just lets himself get caught up in his routine.

When he almost passes out from exhaustion when he stays back after practise, he takes a five minute break and then carries on before going home. When he falls asleep on his laptop when he is writing an essay that isn't due for a while yet still, he wakes up after a nap and carries on. When he gets so hungry that he can feel his insides begin to gnaw at themselves, begging for something other than caffeine, he buys a little extra to eat on the way home that night but carries on the same the next day. When he receives texts and emails from his mother, father, sister, and old friends, he replies to them briskly and denies being able to come home that weekend before carrying on with whatever he is doing.

It isn't until he collapses during regular practise because he landed wrongly on his knee and has to sit out for the rest of practise, that he takes some kind of break. But even then he is taking notes on every single person, making sure he knows the perfect toss they like, if he does not already, and marks down which area everybody needs to improve.

The only adjustment to his routine he makes now is to make sure that he wraps his knee up properly before putting his brace over that, no matter the kind of exercise he is doing, and perhaps doing less running while at the gym.

He's given a week's break at Christmas, more than the extended weekend they would already have, in which he could go home and relax and see his family before coming back to the extremely stressful life he has made for himself here. But his knee is too red, too swollen, making too much of an impact on his walking - never mind his playing - for him to even consider going home for everybody to see because- what would they think of him now? He is still the best in class, in his studies, he is still the best in volleyball, but at what cost?

His skin is awful, despite being always clear, but almost grey a lot of the time; the bags under his eyes are too dark to be covered by make-up now; his body is fragile despite the lean muscle he still, somehow, manages to keep; his confidence is non-existent, and he doesn't know how to face anybody to show them what a disappointment he has become.

And to think, three weeks prior he had told his mother he was coming home. It's too bad, really, that he has to disappoint her, but he tells her the reason why on the phone, feeling it better to deliver the news that way rather than wait for a text or an email to get lost in her inbox. The first thing she asks is about whether it is because she had mentioned dinner with the Iwaizumi's she had told to him in her previous email, before he told her about his knee, and then she was worried, asking if he was taking care of himself and making sure that he was eating proper and getting enough sleep, and not pushing himself too hard. Of course he assured her he was fine, that everything is in perfect line, not a hair out of place.

What he was not expecting, the day he was supposed to be going on the train home, was a text from Iwaizumi asking what time he would be getting in. But for once he didn't want to speak to Iwaizumi and didn't reply, and then he fell asleep - as he had promised his mother he would during this week break, as the gym was closed for repairs anyway, so despite having a key was not allowed to practise in there. He didn't mind, he could still go to the gym if he wanted to, so he slept, because his teachers had given him little homework at the other students request, Oikawa wouldn't have minded really but he's thankful for a lot of time to sleep and maybe get a new routine. A slightly healthier one involving a lot of food, he would prefer.

And he sleeps for most of the day. The rest of it, in fact, and it's late by the time he wakes up - usually the time he would sleep - and so he goes to make himself ramen to eat and then goes back to sleep, neglecting to check his phone.

His roommate wakes him at ten the next morning, to inform Oikawa that he's going home for a few days and he's leaving now. It's for the formality of being a good rommate, and Oikawa holds up his end by wishing him a safe trip and seeing him off at the door, closing and locking it behind him. Then he eats some of the milk bread he bought the other day between classes, before falling back asleep again, something his body is demanding of him. His phone goes off with a 5% warning but he ignores it and shoves it to the floor in his last moments of conciousness.

This time he doesn't sleep as long, with the slight sugar running through his body, and it's just after lunch when he wakes up. His knee is stiff when he tries to move it, but he does anyway and groans in pain. Instead of doing nothing, he just changes his clothes, though with difficulty, keeping the bandages and brace in the same place like always, and goes out to find something to eat, plugging in his phone to charge before he does so to check when he comes back.

He only comes back with his usual order from the fast-food place down the road, off campus, but he doesn't care and takes the walk slowly because of his knee, although he doesn't see anything interesting or good to look at really, just what he would usually see but in better light.

Once he's home he only eats half of his order before going to sleep, not forgetting to change out of his clothes as he doesn't plan on going out again until he needs more food tomorrow, he thinks briefly of how he should probably buy more food he can just keep in his room, especially in his current state.

One glance at his phone gives him a headache, with the amount of notifications for different apps telling him to ignore them and just go to sleep instead, so he takes a few pain killers for his knee and his headache, hoping the keep the two at bay, before going to sleep again.

What he wakes to this time is a pain shooting down his leg, starting at his knee, as he hit it on the wall beside because somebody was knocking on the door loudly and it apparently startled him in his sleep. That hasn't happened before.

Oikawa's eyes are springing tears as he makes his way over to the door, the knocking not stopping but neither the pain in his leg, only increasing it, his headache coming back and getting worse also, as the knocking only gets louder the closer he gets to it and the more concious he becomes. He doesn't say anything to quieten it, his mouth not having the effort to move.

The door unlocks and opens with two clicks and he's stood, though him on one leg mostly, staring at Iwaizumi, who looks pained and heartbroken at his first look at Oikawa in months. Oikawa doesn't say anything, only raising his eyebrows and then limping back to his bed and getting under the covers to sit and eat his cold and greasy food, leaving the door open if Iwaizumi wants to come in, but for him to close if he just wants to leave.

"What happened to you Oikawa?" he asks as he comes to sit on the end of Oikawa's bed, careful to not jostle his legs.

"Nothing," Oikawa shrugs, continuing to eat.

"What happened." It isn't a question, and the tone Iwaizumi uses is steely.

"Nothing, I told you, Iwaizumi," Oikawa doesn't even flinch as he uses the given name, having time to get used to it as he refers to him this way in his head now. "And even if there were, you would be in no position to ask." Iwaizumi, however, does flinch at the name, and shifts slightly, if a little uncomfortable.

"What happened to us?" he asks, thinking it a safe thing to say.

"I don't know," Oikawa's tone is cold, "Maybe we just drifted apart, stopped talking, have other lives, have important studies. Anything. But _I_ don't know."

"You say that as though I do." Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow in question and that is when Oikawa loses his cool, and finally lets out some of the emotion.

"You stopped caring! You ignored me all of the time! I tried to keep the friendship going and you ignored me! I didn't know what else to do! How was I supposed to know?! You wouldn't talk to me anymore! Every time I asked you said you were too busy or had to do something else! I always took time to reply to you or try to talk to you but where was that same respect!" Iwaizumi looks smug, like he just found the gold he was looking for, but Oikawa keeps going. "And then the time that I try, one last time, to still be your friend, a month after you stopped texting me back, you get angry and don't want to speak to me anyway! I know it was two in the morning but I needed you and you weren't there!" Oikawa lets out a breath, very aware he is crying, and not for the pain in his knee - though it is still there, more so now he keeps jerking it in movements of anger with his body.

"I did have something to do. Something to work out. That I needed time for." Iwaizumi said, it was careful and slow, piquing Oikawa's interest while keeping him calm.

"That's great, good to know Iwaizumi, are you going to tell me? Or do I need to tell you something first, how I've been doing? Fine." Oikawa huffs and ignores the crinkle of paper fast-food bag as he crosses his arms before looking directly at Iwaizumi, who looks like he wants to protest, but can't before Oikawa is talking. "I've been awful, I sleep four hours a day if I'm lucky, and I eat even less, my knee has been red and swollen for over a month yet I am to do _anything_ about it, I've almost passed out before at practice matches, and actually have when I stay after hours, I was distraught and confused when you stopped texting me because there was no reason for it, and then you clearly became too busy with a hectic social life to text me, your supposed best friend, who loved you, and still does despite clearly not being cared about."

Oikawa doesn't care about what he said, his words are said quickly and he just wants Iwaizumi to leave, quite frankly, and hopefully that will drive him out of the room quicker than Oikawa can get himself to the volleyball court. Iwaizumi smiles a small smile though, and Oikawa's heart breaks even more, and he begins to cry again, covering his face with his right hand and using the left to point at the door. "Just leave, Iwaizumi." His voice cracks, and he doesn't know what to do.

"I love you too." Iwaizumi says gently, trying to coax Oikawa's hand away from his face, but Oikawa isn't having it and clearly refuses to believe him. "I do, I love you so so much, which is why I needed time."

"That is no excuse to ignore me! What would be so bad about loving me that meant you needed to ignore me and do that to me?! Why would you ever, if you loved me like you claim to?!" Oikawa wasn't having it, and just snarled at Iwaizumi to get out of his room, even if he couldn't make him himself.

So he did, Iwaizumi left the room and shut the door behind him, and Oikawa started crying again, harder, the fact Iwaizumi's overnight bag was still placed on the floor at the bottom of his bed. He just tried to finish eating despite his lack of appetite now, and the fact it was cold and relatively disgusting to eat now.

Twenty minutes later Oikawa's door opens, and all he does is stare at Iwaizumi as he walks back in, accepting the warm food brought for him from the fast-food place and eating it, all of his anger simmering and his effort to fight back just gone. He ate and then waited to see if Iwaizumi would start talking at all, before realising he wouldn't and wanting to fall asleep.

"Oikawa, you need to sleep."

" _You_ need to sleep." Oikawa retorted, though it wasn't much of one.

"So organise your bed to sleep more and I'll join you."

"No, you."

"Fine."

Iwaizumi does as he is told and makes everything, overall, more accessible and easier to sleep in without packaging being everywhere, and by the time he gets under the covers with Oikawa, he's already asleep, which lulls Iwaizumi to sleep easily too.

It's late when they wake up together, Oikawa pressing himself into Iwaizumi's chest despite his anger still there, and Iwaizumi carding a hand through Oikawa's hair as he stirs, knowing he should probably talk to Oikawa.

"Love you, Iwa-chan."

"I love you too, Oikawa." 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it, please tell me what you thought/leave comments/kudos, and I'm probably gonna write a sequel to wrap up all the loose ties involved in this, or just edit it?? Idk?? But oh well, I hope you liked it, even though the ending was??? meh?? It didn't really live up to what it could have so I'm gonna?? Do something about that idk?? Yeah?? Okay??? Goodnight


End file.
